HUNGER
“You need to eat before you pass out.
Hello?
Missy?
Why aren’t you eating?
What's wrong with you?”
…hurt
hurt, hurt, HURT.
Why should I eat, when they starved me for over a decade?
Eat before I pass out you say?
But I've already passed out,
And NO!
It wasn't because I didn't eat,
That's what they kept voicing,
But it WASN'T because I didn’t eat!
It’s simply because I am not being me,
“Me?
What kind of foolishness are you talking about?”
I’m talking about expressing my need for hunger,
My need,
My desperation,
My hurt,
For hunger.
hunger, hunger, hunger,
For my dark soul,
Deep below,
Deep within,
All alone,
He’s all I ever thirst or hunger for,
For He fills me up with His wisdom and knowledge,
On how to be hungry for me,
Before I pass out in the hands of my roots once again.
He reminds me,
Only I can feed myself now,
Feed me with oneness in my mind, body, heart, and soul,
And for that, I am grateful to know,
To have the Lord be part of my dusty life,
The life He can take back,
In the split of a second,
Amen.
Author Statement
When creating this work, I was honestly experiencing emotional turmoil. Many emotions, feelings, sensations, and thoughts just kept on spiralling. I was so broken at this point to have recognized how much I was starved, and bullied at the dinner table alone. It’s still so faded, yet feels like it was only yesterday this was happening. It was so difficult to go through and is still TOO hard to look back on. I break so hard and don’t want to look back. I have been working towards overcoming these immense negative/hurtful feelings, and try to remind myself that I deserve to eat. I deserve to walk in my own shoes, and make my own decisions. It hasn't been easy at all, but having this awareness and acknowledgement that it didn't stem from me helps tremendously. Also, to know that my past does not dictate who I am. I dictate who I am. TBH, I still FEEL like it's my fault but I KNOW it's not my fault. God bless.
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