Poems about The Experience of Pain

Abused ; Aftermath

In the darkness of the night
Eyes moistened by the insight
Of a life of failed resolutions
And social aberrations
Which I continue to gaslight

I find so deep a sorrow
In knowing that tomorrow
In my weakness of determination
In my perpetual stagnation
I may again burrow

Into a hole of avoidance
A cavern of acceptance
Only to feel an utter emptiness
And sense of absurdness
That seems my life’s dance

And I ask … why?

Dana

A Kid Of Three

The man was busy again, like an eight legged thing,
the better to clutch, in sickness and dying, in a
grimace, in a motion that tears down the world from east to west,
and stops only to refill what is spent in more horrid darkness
from inside his heart and mind. Until the man sees blood, he
is not fulfilled. Who the kid is doesn’t matter, not on any
account, not in particulars, not in general. And the kid got it,
but he could conclude nothing - three years of living is no
match for a monstrous touch. Cowards show up in lies and deceit,
and a kid of three knows something we don’t know.

She slices her flesh to feel alive,
She feels useless until blood flows from her vains.
Her screams of anguish fall on unhearing ears.
Her pain will never be cured.

They try to know her pain but they never see the real pain,
Years of hurt fall from her eyes as she sleeps.
Her sobs unheard by society,
People see her smile when inside she is hallow.

There is one permant cure for her,
When she sees that pure black she will smile.
All the heartache of years ended by one slice too many.
People cry for they finally understand her pain.

Lying there lifeless she sleeps peacefully,
She now dreams of pure happiness.
Without second thought she doesn't appologise for her leaving,
For it brought her to rest.

Blood on the ground,
Smile apon her lips,
She embraced death with open arms.
Her heart lighter then its been in years.

She says don't cry for me for I am without pain,
Don't cry for me for I am now happy,
Don't cry for the life I left behind,
Don't cry for me.

Cry for the society that caused this.
Cry for the ones unnoticed.
Cry for the ones unheard.
Cry for the ones still in pain and crying every night.

This poem is for all the people out there that Hide behind fake smiles.

Each day I startle awake, my days undefined,
I’m a prisoner to forces beyond my own mind.

Is my mother angry? Is that today’s norm?
Or is she serene? Will she keep me warm?

Did I receive that text? The one I waited for so long?
Or was I again left waiting, maybe my own judgement was wrong.

The skies decide wether I smile or frown,
gloomy clouds weigh heavy, dragging me down.

Sunshine can lift me but only so high,
light does not shine where my sorrows lie.

My most loved grow weary of the sadness they see,
I wish they could understand how tiring it is to be me.

I wish they could know how much it really takes,
to live in this whirlwind of highs and heartaches.

Their patience wears thin but I’m always aware,
I really try to be happy, I do, I swear.

My feelings are so random, I’m playing a losing game,
but I grow tired of myself so who can I blame?

For them, grief is a passing, a brief rain, a light shower,
but for me, it’s a lifetime of suffering- every minute of every hour.

Original—Poem #11
2024

Rediscovering your inner child is supposed to feel like a breakthrough
For me, it feels like a breakup

I don’t think my inner child wants to speak to me
She thinks I don’t like her, wanting to remain apart

But I want her to know how much I love her
How much I have yet to learn from her

She’s so strong and courageous
She’s the reason I am where I am today
She protected me in ways unimaginable

Though she feels worthless, like a piece of garbage
I want to take away those feelings from her and show her what she truly is
Worth more and a piece of divine love

Little one, please give me a second chance
Don’t break up with me again

I can't afford to keep losing you at the cost of my suppressions
I am ready for us to journey into joy and wisdom

We can recover in peace and love
I know it’s scary but it’s not yours to carry

I will take care of the pain
I want you to enjoy your lovely life

You’ve always deserved it and I’m sorry you never got to enjoy any of it
But I’m here to take away your burdens that were never yours to carry
And lay down happy, fun, creativity for they were always yours to carry

I was a mistake...
No little one, you were never a mistake

You are my treasure
My abundance of joy

You’re the reason I get up every day
I live for you, in hopes that you can live for you

Give me another chance
I’ll think about it...

That’s okay little one, think about it and even if it’s a no
I will accept your beautiful wishes
For you deserve to be respected and valued

You are human and a child of God
When and if you’re ready, just know I will be here, ready to turn your tears into joy

Love you little one

—the end

I was born at the start of winter
Seven months later my mother passed away
Four months later my nightmare began
She came to our house as a live-in nanny
But her plans were of another nature
By the age of seven and suffering her physical, psychological abuse
Another nightmare began, started by my brother
He had decided to use me as a man would use a woman
And the family did nothing until he was caught red-handed
He left the house to never return again,
But the damage done by both and could never be undone
Now my journey to heal has just begun
And let me tell you straight, it is not any fun
To talk to others who had the same
Seems to help heal the pain
But in my heart of hearts I know
Although the pain will heal and peace may come
But nothing in the world can truly heal and remove the damage done.

HUNGER

“You need to eat before you pass out.
Hello?
Missy?
Why aren’t you eating?
What's wrong with you?”

…hurt
hurt, hurt, HURT.

Why should I eat, when they starved me for over a decade?
Eat before I pass out you say?
But I've already passed out,

And NO!
It wasn't because I didn't eat,
That's what they kept voicing,
But it WASN'T because I didn’t eat!
It’s simply because I am not being me,

“Me?
What kind of foolishness are you talking about?”

I’m talking about expressing my need for hunger,
My need,
My desperation,
My hurt,
For hunger.

hunger, hunger, hunger,
For my dark soul,
Deep below,
Deep within,
All alone,

He’s all I ever thirst or hunger for,
For He fills me up with His wisdom and knowledge,
On how to be hungry for me,
Before I pass out in the hands of my roots once again.

He reminds me,
Only I can feed myself now,
Feed me with oneness in my mind, body, heart, and soul,

And for that, I am grateful to know,
To have the Lord be part of my dusty life,
The life He can take back,
In the split of a second,
Amen.

SARALIVES…ON
**Trigger Warning**

Never seeing a way out,
Corrupted by the greatest enemy of all;
…the inner me,

"You piece of garbage,
Who do you think you are?
Why would anyone care for your existence?
You low life, you're a failure,

You want to know why people laugh at you?
It's because you're a disgusting piece of garbage,
When you talk, they laugh.
When you cry, they laugh.
When you breathe, they laugh.
If you just open your mouth, they bawl out with laughter.

Just end yourself already,
Go grab the razor blade,
Go grab the bottle of pills,
Go grab the garbage bag,
Go grab the bleach,
Go get that string from your robe,
I wish you were dead already,

No one will hear you except me,
I promise you are safe,
Safe with me,
Remember this, no one cares about you,
So, there really is no point to living,
Kill yourself. End it. Stop it."

STOP! STOP! STOP!
WHY WON'T IT STOP?
I CANNOT GET IT TO STOP!
help me, my mind has taken over, and i cannot control it any longer,
am i really the creator of these thoughts? it cannot be so…

"But it is so, stop trying to blame another soul, you pile of dust"

I JUST WANT PEACE! PEACE! PEACE!

"Yeah? Peace? Who do you think you are?
You won't ever get peace. You deserve to suffer you piece of garbage."

God? Lord? Source? Universe? Are you out there?
Oh…Please be there Lord, stay with me,
I don't think I will ever have eternal peace.
(with a sigh) "Yeah, I'll never have eternal peace..."

I am going to suffer forever,
My soul will suffer forever,
Please Lord, I did NOTHING wrong,
I was just a little kid,
A small, young, innocent little kid,

Who was supposed to receive LOVE, instead receiving a great deal of FEAR,
Though her true essence has always been of LOVE,

She loved those close to her, but they turned against her,
She loved Life, but Life remained a closed door,
She loved her grandma so dearly, but grandma was never known,
She loved her dad, but dad was never there,

That’s when it all started…
The destruction of MY mind, body, heart, and soul,
She doesn’t understand why or how, but that it started,

For the past decade or more,
It's been ME and A GREAT DEAL OF DENIAL...
DENIAL...DENIAL...DENIAL...
And after 21 years of being alive, I have finally been set free by the Truth,
By the Grace of God, My Lord, My Savior,

Let me share with you,
Share that the inner me, that wounded inner child,
Has now become my ally whom I will protect forever,
Because WE know it came from the others, not the self,
Thank You Lord, The Truth is setting me free.
SARA LIVES ON...

The kitchen table
In the house where I grew up
Was wooden, cold and stained

Came apart in the middle
Like so many ruined meals
And other realities hard to digest

Silences which say more than words can say
Furtive glances the only I love you
Support incomplete, bond left unspoken

When we left the house where I grew up
The kitchen table stayed behind
But the dining room table came with us

A place to spend and fear the holidays
An anchor to hold us to our past
When we did not know how to be a family