A Crack Appears
I am all armoured up
Keeping in check, taking my stance
defenses in place, doing my dance
I am all armoured up
Facing forward, controlling the chills
sensitivities heightened, sharpening my skills
I am all armoured up
As the cries get louder, the bars grow taller
deafening shrills, sharpening my skills
I am all armoured up
Breaking free, merely a dream
on high alert, my insides scream
Covering my tracks, polishing my rackets
the boxes stay shut, covering my casket
I am all armoured up
Never giving up,
today is the day the crack appears
MG | Canada
the words just flowed as I felt familiar old feelings emerging
and after the crack appeared, the pain and sorrow from my youth came
flooding out . ON the path to healing this
I was my father’s mistress growing up.
It brought my mother great relief.
Taking the pressure off of her.
It made my sister jealous.
I was daddy’s favourite.
Entirely justified in his mind.
An outlet for the outlet.
When my mother’s needs boiled over.
His relief deemed necessary.
I became a mistress to all.
Temporary relief. Eternal grief.
Pressure to both disappear and perform.
Every man’s favourite.
For my worth was written very young.
My purpose well defined.
Serve. Please. Relieve.
An invisible slave.
Today I am no one’s mistress.
It brings me great relief.
I see through. I see you.
Forever familiar. No longer preferred.
The pressure on me is not mine and all mine.
All mine to let go.
I am my own favourite.
The past does echo. No longer fate.
I’m more than the burdens of hate.
Chains unraveled. Shatterings whole.
With every breath, I claim my name.
Heidi P | Canada
Original—Poem #11
2024
Rediscovering your inner child is supposed to feel like a breakthrough
For me, it feels like a breakup
I don’t think my inner child wants to speak to me
She thinks I don’t like her, wanting to remain apart
But I want her to know how much I love her
How much I have yet to learn from her
She’s so strong and courageous
She’s the reason I am where I am today
She protected me in ways unimaginable
Though she feels worthless, like a piece of garbage
I want to take away those feelings from her and show her what she truly is
Worth more and a piece of divine love
Little one, please give me a second chance
Don’t break up with me again
I can't afford to keep losing you at the cost of my suppressions
I am ready for us to journey into joy and wisdom
We can recover in peace and love
I know it’s scary but it’s not yours to carry
I will take care of the pain
I want you to enjoy your lovely life
You’ve always deserved it and I’m sorry you never got to enjoy any of it
But I’m here to take away your burdens that were never yours to carry
And lay down happy, fun, creativity for they were always yours to carry
I was a mistake...
No little one, you were never a mistake
You are my treasure
My abundance of joy
You’re the reason I get up every day
I live for you, in hopes that you can live for you
Give me another chance
I’ll think about it...
That’s okay little one, think about it and even if it’s a no
I will accept your beautiful wishes
For you deserve to be respected and valued
You are human and a child of God
When and if you’re ready, just know I will be here, ready to turn your tears into joy
Love you little one
—the end
s.renita | Canada