How Do I Survive?

By Tee Jay

I was born at the start of winter
Seven months later my mother passed away
Four months later my nightmare began
She came to our house as a live-in nanny
But her plans were of another nature
By the age of seven and suffering her physical, psychological abuse
Another nightmare began, started by my brother
He had decided to use me as a man would use a woman
And the family did nothing until he was caught red-handed
He left the house to never return again,
But the damage done by both and could never be undone
Now my journey to heal has just begun
And let me tell you straight, it is not any fun
To talk to others who had the same
Seems to help heal the pain
But in my heart of hearts I know
Although the pain will heal and peace may come
But nothing in the world can truly heal and remove the damage done.

Author Statement

As I sat and composed this poem, thinking about all of the abuse I had faced as a child and young adult, tears filled my eyes and they developed into a feeling of rage.

The more I wrote the more relief I felt, it was as if the hurt started to melt.

My eyes are red, to match my hair, my eyes are blue to match my soul.

I know the day will come that all of my frustration of no one helping me will leave but for now I will just hold it until I feel safe enough to just let it go.

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