MD, Canada

lush fabric hangs
Tied with a ribbon of silk
No, a rubber band
Thick pads ready to absorb
A coloured liquid
Red and gold
A stain of grape
The candle flame almost gone
Pencil and paper, bleached
Tiny fibers, linen Grey
I'm sliding into dissociation
A movie of my life
Behind glassine
Make all the marks on
Mistakes are few
I see my face shadowed in light
Pressing on the pane

Author Statement

I wrote this poem to describe how I deal with something called “derealization,” which is a mental health problem that means I’m watching a movie of my life unfold before my eyes. It’s a condition I’ve had all my life and it’s a dissociative disorder. In the poem I tried to show how I use art to cope with daily episodes and being triggered into derealization, which affects me in a way where I feel numb and zoned out. I totally immerse myself in art and that is my God.


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The Gatehouse