Please stop the pain

I was so young-so innocent.
I trusted you, I loved you.
I thought you loved me too.
But you sexually violated my body, mind and soul.
You ignored my plaintive cries.
Now I'm drenched with anger, fear, grief and shame.
I'm all alone.
I'm living the searing pain.
My life is broken!
I yearn:
to trust again,
to connect again,
to love again,
to be the child I never was,
to dream again,
to be free of pain.
Why me?
STOP!

Stefan Horodeckyj in The Voice for Others

Author Statement

I am not a victim/survivor of csa. However, I have facilitated phase 1 groups at The Gatehouse; am a former Board Director at TGH, and have published a dozen articles dealing with restorative justice and victims, including survivors of childhood sexual abuse and TGH.

A Lightness of Being

When I froze
I went to sleep
Or at least my body did
Not so for my soul

I was shifting into being
Although
I did not see that

I felt something frame itself
Around me
Swallow my voice

What happens when you want to move
And
Clay
wraps 'round you

Still I was shifting
unglazed
into being

Life uncoiling
Pulling
Pushing
Transitions

Years
lots of years

And then

My voice was heard

I am not alone
I am seen
I reach out
I am embraced

Scars
and
all

I am here
I am now
In plain sight

I am whole
I am at home
in the sculpture
of my unglazed being

A lightness
shines through
the fissures of my fired body

I smile

A.L. in Personal Transformation

Author Statement

The writing of the poem while challenging was a freeing-up experience; a recognition of a spirit that is in every human being. Ones’ spirit is a source of sustenance no matter the hardships one encounters in their journey. And that our scars, fissures, of the physical, or emotional, are tell-tale signs of living life, they are a powerful part that goes into making us whole. On many levels this poem is about overcoming lies that are imposed on those traumatized by childhood sexual abuse.

And the overcoming of lies takes incredible strength and courage, all of which we have deep inside of us and this personal strength has the capacity to create personal transformation, which in turn can lead to social transformation.

“Tell the truth especially when a brilliant lie seems more appropriate.”
Lowell A. Levant, Excerpt from his poem: A poet Drives A Truck

Shame

Shame has immobilized my words.
But not my participation.
Layers of shame prevent the words from coming forward.
I’m searching for them, but they are locked away.
One day I will find them.
And release them…forever.
But today, I can let them know that,
“I’m coming for you
And when I find you,
I will be free.

C.S. in Obstacles to Overcome

Author Statement

When I set out to write the poem, I couldn’t find any words. I didn’t want to deal with having to think about this part of my history. I came up against a wall that blocked any visiting of the old hurts and abuses of the past. I didn’t care for the weakness I felt when I tried to find the words… and then I realized it was the shame… preventing me from thinking about or visualizing this trauma. It was too much for me. So these are the words I found.

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